Mid-life crisis?

I am completely lost with my life.
T.S. Eliot said, "in a minute there is time, for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse."
How does it feel to realize in one minute that those choices made you waste more than three years of your life, to be affected by one person so strongly, who influenced the type of cause you wanted to fight for.
And in finding out the truth, you realize the cau...se was never relevant. You were stupid. The passion was always for trying to save that one person, and not for fighting for that group's place in the world.
You didn't want to better others, but rather, wanted to believe that one person was better.
And now you are left with nothing.

I fell in love, still am, but I have to push myself further than this. Otherwise, I know I won't make it.

T.S. Eliot does it best...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas

Solidified rejection just makes me hang on more. Why?

It breaks my heart...

...to be your friend.

Maybe making me better means leaving you behind.
The thought of going down that road breaks my heart too.

How immature would it be to ask why can't I just get what I want?

It's getting harder to remember your voice, remember your face.
Yet I see and hear you in almost everything.

How is this possible?

I feel so comfortable like this, with you.
I could do this for a long time.

My heart is broken.

I love you, Dad.
And I miss you, so much.

Facebook doesn't even have a relationship status for whatever the fuck it is that we have.